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At least 50% of Anne Milligan's clients in private practice are couples who seek counseling. They come with a wide range of needs, from pre-marital counseling to immediate problem-solving for relatively simple marriage problems, all the way to recovery from infidelity and marital affairs to divorce mediation and all parts in between. Although they may not realize it, one of the primary needs that couples first bring to counseling is that of clarifying each individual's unique thoughts about the nature of the problem itself. It is often surprising to find, with processing, that the two have very different ideas about the problem. The first step toward solving the problem is to find some agreement on what the problem actually is. Setting priorities for problem-solving, (i.e., what to focus on and what to set aside), is essential in the beginning. Most couples, by the time they reach the counseling office, have spent months, weeks or even years arguing with no resolution, building up resentments, harboring all kinds of notions about the others' thinking and motives that may or may not be accurate at all. Counseling is an excellent way to create new ways to break out of ruts and learn new ways of communicating and sorting out details of a couple's life together.  If true change in a relationship is to take place, and endure over time, the age-old habit of assigning blame and shame outwardly is just going to have to be un-learned. Relationship counseling is a courageous step that a couple takes because if often unmasks all of our own vulnerability - our self-esteem; our need for love, nurturance, attention, and belonging; our fears of abandonment and rejection; our fears of inadequacy in relationship to others. To the extent that we are afraid to face these things in ourselves, we will resort most often to blame and shame. Remember this absolute certainty: What you bring into the counseling office in terms of your true desire for change is what will determine the outcome more than any other factor. Both people in the relationship might spend a little time separately thinking about the following questions prior to your counseling appointment: 1. What do you feel is the most significant problem right now in your relationship with your partner? How do you FEEL about the problem? Are you most angry, sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc.? 2. What is your own part in the problem? How do you FEEL about that? 3. And what part might you have in creating a solution to the problem? 4. What specific results do you want to see come out of marrage/couples counseling? Are the results you are looking for more involved in changing the other person or changing yourself? Many couples who decide to go to counseling say that it has changed their relationship in very dramatic ways and has helped them break out of ruts that they've felt stuck in for a very long time. | After the Affair: | | A Family-Centered Approach in Coping With Loss | Healing Mother Loss In Childhood | Motherless Daughters - Dont Be Afraid | Inner Healing and the Soul | Statement of Intention for Counseling Therapy | COMMON QUESTIONS ABOUT HYPNOTHERAPY | SPIRITUALITY IN THERAPY | Stress Management | Guided Imagery For Pain Management | Marriage/Couples Therapy | Healing Meditations | Why Nobody Should be Afraid of Counseling Therapy | Emotional Honesty | | About Anne Milligan | Hospice Music | Contact Us | Consultant Services | Flow of Life Feedback | INDIVIDUAL, COUPLES AND FAMILY THERAPY | Hospice Consultant Fees | Hospice Ritual | | Return Home | Seasonal Affective Disorder | WE ARE ALL ADDICTED TO SOMETHING | Bereavement and Hospice Materials | stress management with the EmWave | SETTING GOALS AND MEETING THEM | Thoughts of Home | |
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